Asshole Parade

Are women attracted to “assholes”? Or are they attracted to men with “character”?

Let’s face it, humans are complicated. There is no way we can ever summarize what attracts one person to another in a few sentences. Mystery did a damn good job outlining fundamentals with his concept “attraction switches”. It’s a useful guideline, but won’t explain every possible scnenario.

That said, there is something to the notion that hot women are generally attracted to “bad boys”. Yes, a HB9 may eventually marry a successful doctor, the “nice guy” who has studied and worked hard all his life…but only when she’s 33 and past her prime. Before that, she’s probably been having crazy wild sex with guys who ride motorcycles, bartenders, and the tall barista working at the local Starbucks who lives paycheck to paycheck and just got back from 3 months backpacking in Brazil. An extreme caricature of an example, yes. But this scenario plays itself out in many ways in our society. Don’t deny it, it’s true that nice guys finish last.

But is it really the “nice guy” vs. the “bad boy”, or is it something deeper? Our society tends to see what’s on the surface and stop the analysis there. But let’s look deeper: if I’m a “nice guy”, I can go buy a motorcycle tomorrow, but I’ll still be a nice guy. Worse, I’ll be a poser. I can try to imitate another lifestyle, but chances are I will fail, or others will see through it, or both. The “bad boy” has something the “nice guy” generally lacks: a strong character. It might be a character disagreeable in nature, but the point is it’s strong and stable.

Time to define my terms. I can not put it as eloquently as Johnny Knuckles, so I’ll just go ahead and quote him:

“Character traits include honesty, trust, respect, responsibility, leadership, loyalty and courage. One's character can be objectively judged. Character is defined as right or wrong. Character, despite its detractors, can be taught. However educators are bypassing the difficulty of teaching character and have gone directly to self-esteem, the reward of strong character. But without character, self-esteem is a hollow concept.”

(from his “Personality vs. Character” post HERE).

The fact is, you don’t have to be a “bad boy” or asshole to lay hot women. You can find guys in every part of society and every career field who are killers with the ladies. Your average Joe software engineer doesn’t paint as interesting a portrait as the tattooed, Harley-riding dude doing shots at the bar -- but what if he is ambitious, successful, honest, respectful, and most important does not put up with anyone’s crap and speaks his mind? What if he plays guitar in a band outside of work, is well traveled and speaks 3 languages? What if he mesmerizes you every time he tells a story, and remembers the names of every person he meets at a party? Sounds like a guy you would like to know? Hell yeah! Why? Because he has character! And on top of that character he has some admirable personality traits. He probably will be quite attractive to women, provided that he can communicate his character effectively. He is nice, but he wouldn’t be described as a “nice guy”. He does not supplicate. He does not change his tastes at the whim of society’s latest fad. He knows what he wants and he strives to get it, and doesn’t care too much what others think.

Take Tucker Max. Asshole extraordanaire. He’s milking the art of being a dickhead to the extent that he can earn a profitable living from it. (And more power to him for it! In fact I just bought his book from Amazon.) He’s the latest “badboy” phenom to hit the publishing/internet/blogosphere trioca. Massive success with women (at least by lowest common denominator standards). The thing is, that’s who he is. He was a jerk in college, probably was long before. He didn’t manufacture his lifestyle, he lived it. I wouldn’t hold him out as a model for our nation’s youth, but I won’t deny that he has character, a strong one, and for that I respect him. And I’m sure that’s a major reason so many consider his writing to be a breath of fresh air in our society full of masked persona and wannabes.

Tucker Max certainly isn’t the first “bad boy” to publicize his adventures, and won’t be the last. But nowadays it seems because of the prevalence of blogs, online forums, and the exposure of the “pickup community” to mainstream America, Mr. Max’s exploits have inspired a small following: guys who imitate him because they think this will make them cool and popular, as he appears to be. The problem is, many of these guys lack character, and they see modeling this kind of behavior as a way to fill this void.

Lack of character seems to be an epidemic in our society, which might explain why so many guys have trouble approaching and meeting women. I won’t go into reasons behind this (books have been written on this subject), but the fact is many an American male has an issue with women, and it should be no surprise that Mystery, Juggler, Pickup 101, and the dozens of other seduction schools have become successful addressing this problem (at least successful in monetary terms).

I’m not opposed to “pickup schools” or “bootcamps”, at least in theory. Most are trying to help guys with real issues. Some do a better job than others, so buyer beware. But a number of guys do come out of these with their eyes opened to a new reality and new potential for personal growth. This is a good thing.

Why do pickup “missions” or “bootcamps” help some guys? Because, if a student applies himself and pushes the envelope of his comfort zone, they are character building experiences. The ones who are most successful are those willing to check their “self-esteem” at the door. Because you can’t have true self-esteem and confidence until you have character. A man with a strong sense of character will also have a strong “frame”. If you are running Mystery Method-type material, it really doesn’t matter so much what you are saying…70% or more of the communication is non-verbal, and a major part of this is your ability to maintain your frame, bring the girl into your reality and not get sucked into hers. If you are running “Jealous Girlfriend” on a HB10 in a 3-set, maintaining your frame while she is shit-testing you left and right will be a stronger DHV than any verbal “DHV spike” you can throw into your stack.

In my opinion, Tucker Max and even Mystery are cultural fads that will disappear in a few years. Not to take anything away from them, because I actually believe both guys have character, and it is because of this, not because of their exploits, that they have achieved some degree of fame and fortune. In contrast, guys lacking in character who are currently worshiping Tucker Max will then switch to the new fad once he goes out of fashion. These are the same guys who 12 months ago were running Mystery’s “Newbie Mission”, but who now diss it as fodder for “routine monkeys”. If next year’s fad is being the “nice, responsible guy” who marries and settles down, you will find them living in Issaquah with their pregnant, 33yo trophy wife, and commuting each day to Redmond in their new Audi.

A man who has character can succeed in a multitude of ways, and is driven by forces within him, not those of society such as fads. If you want a prime example of what I’m talking about, go read The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand.

Another insight from Mr. Knuckles, on “personality” as opposed to “character”:

“Personality is subjective. It includes your sense of humor (or lack of), whether you're outgoing or shy, friendly or stoic, your interests, passions, and the list goes on. While some people have well-developed personalities, their character sucks and you eventually avoid them even though ‘they're a lot of fun.’”

(“…their character sucks and you eventually avoid them even though ‘they’re a lot of fun’”…sounds like someone I know).

So, for you brothers out in the field (or more likely, KJ-ing on your blog) working hard at pissing people off just for the sake of pissing people off, imitating the personalities of the “asshole celebrity” of the moment, good luck with that. You may entertain a few groups with your horseplay and maybe even AMOG some guys who don’t have the mastery of “material” you possess. But when you encounter a man of character, he will open up a can of “whoop-ass” on you…and yes, it will be industrial size. And the real beauty is, it will be like verbal jujitsu, as though he’s not even trying.

For you brothers who are more open-minded, get out there and sarge. Use Mystery’s material, use Juggler, use your own method. Just remember that these are tools whose purpose is to change you, to help you build the foundation of a strong character on which all else will rest. They are not primarily intended as a way to get the girl. It’s ok to “fake it ‘til you make it”, but the end goal is to make it so you no longer have to fake it. Making it means building character, one that is unique to who you are. Do that, and everything else will fall into place.

Peace and Love,

Mack

ps--they do serve beer in hell, but I hope you like PBR.

I learned salsa to meet girls...so where are they? :)

So I’ve managed to catch the cold that it seems everyone I’ve encountered in the last two weeks has had. I suppose it was only a matter of time. In any case, I’ve got to lay low for a few days.

Regarding the HB hunt, recent prospects have faded. HBCostaRica didn’t return two of my calls, so that’s the end of that. We exchanged some text messages before I called her and I may have overplayed the C&F hand slightly. Feels like I had this one then lost her. It happens.

Meanwhile, HBShanghai was pining for more time together. She actually said she expects her boyfriend to be with her everyday. My guess is I don't have to give much hint as to how that ended. So, my slate is clear, and the motivation to sarge is growing (as soon as I kick this darn cold).

I’ve noticed that the more “7”s I sleep with, the less excited I become about sarging them. I think it’s really time I got myself a hot girl. Not a cute girl, but an HB9. It will be hard and I’ll have to put in effort…this will be new territory for me. I’ve been reading Captain Jack’s old posts in Mystery’s Forum, and it’s really shedding light on what is possible. The biggest obstacle might be the shortage of hot girls in this city. I don’t know…is it a myth? I read PU blogs of guys in Texas and there are guys fucking 8s and 9s left and right. Is it because of the numbers (ratio of women-to-men)? The local culture (eg, “Seattle Freeze”)? Or is this town simply retarded? At a salsa practica I went to the other night, there were so many more guys than girls that there were always at least six guys sitting around waiting to dance with a girl, none of whom were free. What’s up with that shit? It’s salsa, girls! You like to dance and shake your booties…where the heck are you hiding?? The thing I hate most about those ratios is how it makes a girl who is moderately attractive think she is the shit. All the attention from guys goes to her head and the bitch shield gets flipped on. So much work required for such a little benefit.

Now that I’ve bitched my alloated quota about Seattle…My “quarterly report” for Q3 will be coming soon. I plan to geek out on all kinds of statistics about my gaming. My approach is to set goals and measure progress toward them. It might seem a tad strange, but I find it really helps me assess where I am and if my approach is effective or not.

DHVs vs. Seeking Approval

After ‘negs’, the DHV is probably the most misunderstood concept in the pickup community. The acronym stands for “Demonstration of Higher Value”, and many guys think this means talking about your high salary, the BMW you drive, or other such things that make you such a wonderful and swell dude. In fact, bringing these up in an obvious manner will actually act as a DLV (Demonstration of Lower Value).

The best description I’ve heard of what a DHV truly is was given by Lovedrop at a 1-day bootcamp he gave in Portland back in 2005. First he noted how a confident man, such as Brad Pitt to take an extreme example, would not feel the need to qualify by talking about his accomplishments and possessions. If I had a million dollars and mentioned it to her directly, she were to perceive that I was trying to tell her about my wealth, my value would drop. I would bascially be qualifying to her -- in other words, seeking her approval. On the other hand, if I had a million dollars and she found out via my friends or better yet by googling me, this would be a major DHV.

Lovedrop listed the following as true DHVs :

• “Demonstrating the ability to handle myself socially, to win over her group and others nearby.”
  
• “Demonstrating a strong frame through proper application of Hoop Theory during the set. Girls are constantly testing for a strong frame.”
  
• “Qualify her: once I have demonstrated higher value (and she is attracted to me), make her work for me and thus appreciate the process of ‘winning me over’”.
  

One experience in my life that has given me value is living abroad for a couple years in Japan. I basically taught myself Japanese while I was there. Now, I could bring this up in set in two possible ways:

“After college, I lived in Japan for a couple years. It was so cool, I was put up at a 5-star hotel in the middle of Tokyo for a week-long orientation, and every night we had dinner banquets with free sushi and sake. I even got to meet the governor of the prefecture I’d be working in. After two years in Japan, I was pretty fluent in the language, without ever having taken a single course. Blah blah blah”.

--- vs. ---

“So, back when I was living in Japan, I almost got killed by the yakuza!. One night a few friends and I headed to a disco. Craig, this tall blond guy from the Midwest, had a bit too much sake and ended up dancing on a table. He fell off, knocked over a drink which spilled onto this dude wearing sunglasses and a pastel suit. He stood up, snapped his fingers, and out of nowhere this army of well-dressed, tattooed guys – all about 5’6”, showed up and started yelling at us. It felt like a scene out of Kill Bill. I thought were gonna get the shit kicked out of us until the bouncer suggested we buy them a round of drinks, then all was cool.”

Maybe not the best examples but they are from my own life. In the first, it’s pretty apparent that I am trying to impress her, which will actually lower my value. In the 2nd, although I do mention I lived in Japan which is an slightly explicit attempt to impress, it is built-in as a setup to the story. The story itself is not really about me, but an amusing, **emotional** experience I had while living in Japan. I could probably improve on this story by peppering it with words that add more color and elicit a stronger emotional response.

So, to summarize, don't write-off DHVs as a community “gimmick”. It’s a useful concept which can help you understand social dynamics and improve your interactions with men and women both.

FR -- Dance Floor Game @ Noc Noc

After a week off, Comfort and I hit Noc-Noc last night for their weekly Tuesday 80s-night. We arrived a bit early, 10:30-ish, and I rather expected it to be on the empty side...but it was already packed to the hilt! Upon first glance, there were tons of HBs as well (at least by "Tuesday night in Seattle" standards). We proceeded to the dance floor as a Prince song blared from the soundsystem. I like this club because, obviously, there is a dance floor where I can do “dance game”, as well as the bar area where it’s loud but not so much that conversation is difficult. I noticed a 3-set with one HB8 seated near the entrance, but I wasn’t in a talkative mood tonight and felt like focusing on non-verbal approaches on the dance floor. Honestly, I’m noticing it still scares me to open really attractive girls, ie, pushing past the “7” barrier. It sucks, but I’m exposing this SP and getting very aware of it, which I hope will motivate me to work on this and get over it.

We got a beer, chatting up some people in line, including HBRedHead whom we met two weeks earlier. Returning to the dance floor, I notice and AI and walk over to her. Nothing great, not fat, but old and not really cute, but I dance with her and do some kino for practice. Her friend is hotter, and she introduces me (not many words were exchanged, pretty much just ‘hi my name is..’ sort of thing). I dance a bit with her friend, but don’t really kino. It’s like when I switch from a 5 to an 8 I automatically revert to AFC-ness. I thought about this, how I could really push it with the hotter girl to get some result, either good or bad. But at least a result, instead of inaction. I think basically I need to “go caveman”.

There aren’t many qualities of my current personality that would make “going caveman” easy for me, so it’s something I need to really work at and push myself. Some things that come to mind : kino early and often, maybe even borderline things that might get me slapped ☺ -- it’s a matter of calibrating, and sometimes I have to go too far, cross the line, and then pull back, in order to figure out where I need to be. Also, not just dancing with one girl, but dancing with many of the girls, bouncing from one to the next like a madman. Done right, they will enjoy this and smile, having a fun time. Other girls will notice this and see that I am warm and friendly, basically this will act as a DHV as well as building social-proof.

I opened a few sets in the bar, nothing groundbreaking. I’ve got pretty bad AA right now for having been dormant for a while. More serious, is that even once I open, I am having the worst time transitioning out of the opener. I will elaborate on this in a future post (hopefully reporting some progress on this SP as well). On a positive note, I seem to be surprisingly comfortable approaching chicks on the dance floor at Noc Noc...it's got a friendly vibe. I should try Venom sometime.

PS – time for a rant…

[Begin rant]
Thoughts on "Community Terms": I tend to use them a lot, and yeah I realize it’s kind of geeky. The thing is, it’s also very useful. I view pickup as a skill and an art, in the same vein as a martial art like Tae Kwon Do, or salsa dancing. In any of these areas, having a vocabulary to describe concepts and techniques allows for more effective communication between teacher and student or among fellow students. I’m not just throwing them into my posts to sound cool and profound. Imagine teaching TKD and instead of saying “use a roundhouse kick”, you have to say “now swing your leg around in a semicircular motion, striking with the front of the foot”. So, instead of "perform an action or tell story which increases your perceived value and builds attraction”, it’s easier just to say DHV. We can debate what is and isn’t a DHV and whether the whole concept itself is BS or not, but that will have to wait for another day.
[End rant]

Phone Game with HBCostaRica

My first experience with online dating was back in 2004, about a year before I took my Mystery bootcamp. I remember having real difficulty getting girls to respond back to me, and getting phone #s and dates were rare events. Things have changed. :) Rather than waiting for 4 or more e-mails to ask for her #, I usually tell her to send her # after the 2nd e-mail exchange. I used to think this would scare girls away....which it does for a few -- but for most, it is a major DHV, demonstrating that you are capable of leading the relationship, and that you have the balls and confidence to make a somewhat risky move (my understanding is most guys still linger in the e-mail banter phase way too long, asking her # sooner makes you stand out, another advantage).

Bottom line, in the last month I've had more phone #s from match.com than I've been able to call, due to being out of town, a new FB, and other things I do in my life other than dating. The girl HBCostaRica actually winked at me a few weeks ago. 32yo, half French half Danish, raised in Central America, and as I would soon find out more sass than you can shake a stick at. I wrote back to her a few days later...

Mack:
Hey, thanks for your wink. Sorry for my delayed response...kind of an insane week, and it was really great to have this 3-day weekend for 'down time'. You do anything exciting this weekend?

HBCostaRica:
i suck at this getting back to people thing...wanna just move this to the phone?

Mack:
Well, what are you waiting for? Send me your #...

HBCostaRica:
i was trying to be all coy and get you to send your number.....but alas, thats not working out so well...ok- 206-555-xxxx

This was about 10 days ago. I just called her yesterday afternoon. I wasn't trying to do the "be cool by waiting 2 days or more thing", I actually did not have the time to call her. From the minute she picked up the phone, the shit-tests started. :)

I asked her some question, and she remarked that it sounded "scripted". Hah. I proceeded to DQ myself, saying yeah I always take girls on dates to this one bar where I have teleprompters setup. She laughed. The teleprompter thing reminded me of the scene in Mystery's show "The Pickup Artist" on VH1, where Mystery gives Alvaro an earpiece for the field test, and instructs him in real time what to say and what to do while sarging a girl...and he ends up making out with her. I asked if she'd seen this show, and to my surprise, she said yes. In fact, she was TiVO-ing it weekly now. Hmm...

Mack: So, you thing that sort of thing really works on women.
HBCR: Yeah for sure. Like when Mystery told him to take the girls hand and place it on his arm for a few seconds, then push it away before she gets uncomfortable. That would work because girls will be left wanting more. I think he called it 'soft-kino'
Mack: [stunned silence, thinking 'does she really understand that subtle detail??!']
Mack: Would it work on you?
HBCR: No way, now that I know what's going on.

We talked about it a few minutes more, then moved on. We fell into this alternating question game. My first question was "what do you do after work?", which she called me out on as being really boring and generic. I told her that was my baseline question, and if she wanted more she'd have to wait. So I went online to Thrill's Blog and looked up some of their "Questions of the Day", ended up asking her "What can you get away with that no one else can?". She said it sounded like I was reading it, I told her I was, thanks to Google (another DQ). I think she was shocked that I was so honest about being lame-ass and not trying to impress her with creative, original questions. I was simply being lazy and admitting as much, almost like I wasn't really taking this conversation too seriously. Ironically, that made it really fun to talk with her, as we kept busting on each other for most of our 1 hour talk.

After she described some boring guys she met online who simply ask her out to bars for drinks, I ask her the following:

Mack: So, how bout we meetup for a drink this week?

Haha…being a chode was never this much fun before.

HBCR: I can’t believe you just asked that…come on, you gotta come up with something more original dude.
Mack: Well, I want to see what happens if I “soft-kino” you. (!!)
HBCR: Oh really? Yeah, [insert smart-ass remark here].

I can’t remember exactly how, but something came up where she referred to my penis as my “Google”. I corrected her, saying “Google is what I use instead of my brain, and my penis should be referred to as my Yahoo”. Then I warned her never to “kino my yahoo”.

One hour of solid phone game…I can’t wait for the day2…I’m going to try at least 3 kiss-close routines and be really obvious and playful about it!

Song of the Week

"Thou Shalt Always Kill" by Dan Le Sac Vs SCroobius Pip

The Video:


My favorite line:
"Thou shalt not use poetry, art or music to get into girls' pants - use it to get into their heads."

Close 2nd:
"Thou shalt remember that guns, bitches and bling were never part of the four elements and never will be."

Thou shalt not steal if there is direct victim.
Thou shalt not worship pop idols or follow lost prophets.
Thou shalt not take the names of Johnny Cash, Joe Strummer, Johnny Hartman, Desmond Decker, Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix or Syd Barrett in vain.
Thou shalt not think any male over the age of 30 that plays with a child that is not their own is a pedophile - Some people are just nice.
Thou shalt not read NME.
Thou shalt not stop likin' a band just 'cause they’ve 'come popular.
Thou shalt not question Stephen Fry.
Thou shalt not judge a book by its cover.
Thou shalt not judge Lethal Weapon by Danny Glover.
Thou shalt not buy Coca-Cola products, thou shalt not buy Nestle products.
Thou shalt not go into the woods with your boyfriend’s best friend, take drugs and cheat on him.
Thou shalt not fall in love so easily.
Thou shalt not use poetry, art or music to get into girls’ pants - use it to get into their heads.
Thou shalt not watch Hollyoaks.
Thou shalt not attend an open mic and leave as soon as you done your shitty little poem or song, you self-righteous prick.
Thou shalt not return to the same club or bar week in, week out, just ’cause you once saw a girl there that you fancied but you’re never gonna fucking talk to.

Thou shalt not put musicians and recording artists on ridiculous pedestals no matter how great they are or were.
The Beatles - Were just a band.
Led Zepplin - Just a band.
The Beach Boys - Just a band.
The Sex Pistols - Just a band.
The Clash - Just a band.
Crass - Just a band.
Minor Threat - Just a band.
The Cure - Were just a band.
The Smiths - Just a band.
Nirvana - Just a band.
The Pixies - Just a band.
Oasis - Just a band.
Radiohead - They're just a band.
Bloc Party - Just a band.
The Arctic Monkeys - Just a band.
The Next Big Thing - Just a band!

Thou shalt give equal worth to tragedies that occur in non-English speaking countries as to those that occur in English speaking countries.
Thou shalt remember that guns, bitches and bling were never part of the four elements and never will be.
Thou shalt not make repetitive generic music, thou shalt not make repetitive generic music, thou shalt not make repetitive generic music, thou shalt not make repetitive generic music.
Thou shalt not pimp my ride.
Thou shalt not scream if you wanna go faster.
Thou shalt not move to the sound of the wickedness.
Thou shalt not make some noise for Detroit.
When I say “Hey” thou shalt not say “Ho.”
When I say “Hip” thou shalt not say “Hop.”
When I say, he say, she say, we say, make some noise - kill me.

[Ah, forgot where I was, hang on]

Thou shalt not quote Me Happy.
Thou shalt not shake it like a Polaroid picture.
Thou shalt not wish your girlfriend was a freak like me.
Thou shalt spell the word “Phoenix” P-H-E-O-N-I-X, not P-H-O-E-N-I-X, regardless of what the Oxford English Dictionary tells you.
Thou shalt not express your shock at the fact that Sharon got off with Brad at club last night by saying “Is it.”
Thou shalt think for yourselves.

And thou shalt always, thou shalt always... kill.

FR -- #-close HB9

Wednesday! I look forward to Wednesdays because from 9pm DJ Riz takes over on KEXP, and I love just hanging out chillin to his show. He plays some interesting stuff, just finished a track called "When Things Explode" by UNKLE. He's my second favorite DJ, after Michelle Myers of Nightlife fame, of course. :)

I'm in my 3rd week of unemployment, and things are beginning to calm down a bit. I still don't have the complete "work/errand/appointment-free" schedule I dream of, but I'm getting there. There still remains some BS items I need to take care of, but soon, soon I hope, I can spend most of my afternoons day-gaming.

HBShanghai is starting to get a tad needy. While I was eating lunch at Whole Foods yesterday, she called me. I ignored the first call, but she rang again so I answered. She had strained her back and couldn't drive home from work, was in real pain, and needed a ride home. Hmm...ok. Yes, I'm still a wuss when it comes to this crap. We got to her place, and she asks for a backrub, and it didn't take long to develop into a mid-afternoon treat. :) I guess her back wasn't as bad as she let on. To think, three weeks ago on Tuesday afternoon I was coding some bullshit Bluetooth library.

On to the point of this blog post...the HB9.

Last Wednesday I decided to play my first open mic. I've been playing guitar on and off for years, and in '06 started to take voice lessons to learn how to sing. I've been meaning to start performing in public for a while, since this is really the only way to get better -- just like with PU, you need to performing 'in the field' and 'pay your dues' before you can reach the next level on your way to mastery. Needless to say, I was a bit nervous.

I arrive at the cafe about 7:45. I scoped it out a week earlier and it seemed pretty low key. After signing in, I see a beautiful brown haired girl smile at me. This was a definite AI, but I flubbed it initially and didn't go in. I proceeded to get a drink, noticed the girl was sitting down and decided to approach, asking her what instrument she had in the case. She said "trumpet" and asked me in a sassy manner what I was playing (it's rather obvious what's inside a guitar case). Haha...I sat down and while we were talking I noticed how hot she was. Probably 24yo, long brown hair, green eyes, amazing body, and excellent posture. :) Plus, she plays trumpet and writes poetry.

I was so preoccupied with performing that I couldn't really do any proper game, except for trying to keep the questions open-ended. I'm not even sure I did such a good job there. I don't worry about this too much, but a few DQs and push-pulls might have gone a long way. I also didn't kino. :( She was the first to perform, reading a poem then playing a jazz standard. Wow. I couldn't wait to perform and get it over with so I could focus on HBTrumpet and close her in some way.

My performance went ok. No one booed me, and only a few bottles were thrown at the stage (kidding). I re-joined HBTrumpet, talked about music, and brought up the Rockabilly Ball at the Tractor Tavern later this month. She seemed interested, so I suggested we go, and asked for her e-mail. I didn't ask for phone-# on purpose, because I wanted to see if she also wrote that down without my prompting (to gauge her level of interest, not sure how accurate this is). She only gave me e-mail, no phone. :( I e-mailed her the next day, just a few lines, and she responded. I just sent another tonight asking her on a day2 this weekend...so we'll soon see if my first #-close of a HB9 is a solid one or not.

BTW, performing (guitar & singing) in public is a real milestone for me. I really pushed my comfort zone in doing that. The parallels between musical performing and PU are many...it's one thing to push my comfort zone and retreat back into it, it's another to keep pushing it and *focus*, focus on improving my skills. My plan for the next few months of work BS freedom is to delve into these areas (music & pickup) and see how good I can get.

FR -- Noc Noc'in on Heaven's Door (2 of 2)

Part 2 -- Dance Floor Sarging at Noc Noc

It's Friday! I just arrived in San Jose, CA for a weekend visiting friends and my ongoing FB, HBManners. I tacked on an extra day Monday to do a job interview in Palo Alto. I've been mulling a move back to the Bay Area for a while, maybe the time has finally come.

[darn it, I'm writing this on a Japanese computer and all the punctuation is in odd locations...this may take a while, or maybe I'll just decide to drop punctuation altogether]

HBShanghai stayed over last night. She called me mid-day saying "I have the day off, let's go to your place and fuck." No, those were not her exact words :) ...it was closer to she wanted to hang out and get some food, but what I heard was the former :) She offered to drive me to the airport this morning, and I must admit it made me pause for a sec. Friday morning I wake up next to HBShanghai, she takes me to the airport, HBManners picks me up fom the San Jose airport, and I'm staying at her place this weekend. I must admit I feel a little guilty about this, but they both know I'm not dating exclusively, so I suppose I should just chill and enjoy it.

Anyway, to continue the Noc-Noc FR...

Comfort and I arrived at the club, I bought a round of drinks, and we immediately hit the dance floor. I just felt like getting drunk and dancing that night. There were some hotties, and the place was actually quite happening considering it was a Tuesday, and the Tuesday following Labor Day to boot. Comfort starting opening a few girls, doing his thing. He hit it off with one, old (mid-30s) but cute white chick, HBRedHead. He introduces me, and we dance and chat for a bit. Throughout the night she would wander off and then come back, or sometimes Comfort would just grab her arm as she walked by.

I didn't do much at the club. Most of the hot chicks were on the dance floor and that's a tough place to run game. I did open two girls, a cute young Indian with nice legs and boots, and a hot ballet dancer dancing alone. The former opened well, but I didn't have much to follow up with. I haven't reviewed any game material for a while, and maybe it's time I did. The second girl, much hotter, pretty much politely acknowledged my presence and went back to her dancing.

A few minutes later, I make eye contact with a girl with multiple piercings and short black hair. She struts over to me and we start dancing together. I'm not running any game, just trying to maintain eye contact yet be flirty, and test her boundaries in terms of how far she is willing to go with the dancing. I should note that I'm really in uncharted territory here, being a middle-aged white cracker dude. I tell her I like her necklace while running my fingers along her neck, and she smiles. She compliments me on my style, and then on my dancing (come on girl, let's not go overboard here ok??). We then start touching and dancing closer, doing some light grinding. I began to think I might be able to pull a SNL here, though exactly how I wasn't sure. After five minutes we separate, and then I spy her leaving with some guy (seemed as though they already knew each other). I assumed it was her bf but Comfort, who was watching, wasn't so sure. I officially categorize this as a BLOWN OPPORTUNITY :), though it was still new and fun for me. I feel like I can actually attract some girls based on looks (and dance moves?? haha) alone. I still suck at taking full advantage of AIs, however.

Comfort and I remained until closing, and HBRedHead is still hanging with us. Both Comfort and I #-close her. I was only interested in befriending her and maybe as a possible pivot...she wasn't really my type. She offered -- insisted actually -- to give us a ride home, and I was the last for her to drop off. I gave her a kiss on the cheek and thought about more but damn I was tired and I want to be moving up the HB ladder, no down. Poor girl. :)

FR -- Noc Noc'in on Heaven's Door (1 of 2)

Part 1 -- karma chameleon

(don't say I didn't warn you about the bad 80s song puns)

A few weeks ago my wing Comfort and I were out having a beer on a Tuesday night, and around 11 he suggested we head to Noc Noc. This place is typically goth on weekends, and I just expected it to be dead on a Tuesday. Much to my surprise it was quite jumpin, with an assortment of HBs. Might have something to do with the fact that Tuesday is 80s night. Ha! Well, my state was pretty bad that night (back when I still had a job), but we decided to head back regularly and sarge there. Last night we made our return.

We started out at Karma, which was empty except for a HB9 at the bar chatting to the bartender. Comfort immediately opens them (the man is an opening machine lately), then two girls he knows in the back call him over and I inherit the set. My game is still getting back up to speed, now that I've entered a 'mini-retirement' -- did I mention I got my ass fired two weeks ago?? More on that in a future post...but suffice it to say life is good and getting better post-corporate-drudgery -- I digress...my game is still getting back up to speed, so I just made "small talk" with her about travel and whatnot. The bartender knew her pretty well so I was just being sociable. Fifteen minutes in, she asks if she can buy me a drink (!). Wow...I did not see that coming, of course I obliged. However, my excitement was dashed a few minutes later when I found out she is a rep for a liquor company and her job is basically to go around town establishing rapport with bars and promoting her brand.

A couple enters the bar and sits between me and HBVodka , and Comfort calls me over to his table where he's sitting with two girls, one he's been day-2ing (HB-VIP) and her friend (HB-E). I like her friend, met her before...she's a trendy club girl with a definite attitude but not quite rude. I wouldn't say she's giving me IOIs but we were making alot of eye contact and I was intentionally holding it a long time. Then her friend starts giving me shit:

HB-VIP: (to me) Hey, you act very feminine.
Mack: Really?

We get on a different topic but she comes back a few minutes later...

HB-VIP: Wow, I can't believe how feminine you are.
Mack: That's funny, my last girlfriend thought I was gay. I think I might be gay in the Tom Cruise way.

This was my lame attempt at a DQ. If I let it go before the Tom Cruise line it probably would have worked better. Comfort said the rest was a bit try-hard, and he's right. I understand the DQ concept, but need to get into the habit of using it often and effectively. However, it didn't really bother me what she said...I honestly don't give a crap these days...a big change from two years ago.

The two chicks left, we said goodbye to HBVodka, and headed south down 2nd Avenue toward NocNoc.

Part 2 coming soon...

LR – Airport Sarge, “One thing leads to another…”

This is a girl I first sarged back in April! I was flying back from the Bay Area, fresh out of my Charisma Arts Bootcamp with Social Hitchhiker, and while sitting at the gate I noticed this Asian girl with long curly black hair, an assortment of necklaces, and designer jeans with sparkly stuff all over the back. Let’s call her HBShanghai…I’d rate her HB7, though her C-cup is a nice change from most of the Asians I’ve dated. :) Plus she was mid-20s, another nice change from my recent string of cougars (this coin has two sides though, more on that in a future post…). I had just blown a great chance to open a HB9 in the bookstore moments before, and promised myself I’d not let that happen again. After she sat down, I walked past her, made some comment about her necklace, grew the conversation and sat down next to her to continue.

I was mostly focusing on asking open ended questions (OEQ) to get her to commit to the interaction, pretty much standard Juggler Method fare. She was from Shanghai, in US for a couple years getting a graduate degree at UW. Smart, cute, and fashionable…a combination that I find hard to resist. We talked for a good hour, as our flight was delayed. I did some minor kino but outside of a bar or nightclub setting I have a lot of trouble really escalating in this regard. Plus, I was adjusting a bit for the fact that she was foreign -- though she’d been here 2 years, she still had a FOB-ish (Fresh-Off-Boat) aura to her…she just seemed rather naïve and innocent, and I didn’t want to scare her off.

We boarded, the plane was full and we were seated far from each other. I realized I should have #-closed her earlier. Darn. I knew my last chance would be at baggage claim. I met her there, chatted a bit more, setup some lame day-2 (Green Lake?), and got her contact information.

Over the next few weeks, I took HBShanghai on a couple ‘dates’ and I attempted a few kiss-closes, but nothing really came of it. The third ‘date’, I was about 30 minutes late getting to her place, and when I arrived she was quite bitchy and irritated. I waited 10 minutes for her, after which she finally said “I don’t think I’m going.” WTF? I only said “Fine, see you later then” and left. A few weeks went by went without any contact, and one sunny Thursday after work, for some reason (um, I was feeling horny most likely) I left her a voice-mail asking if she wanted to hit Green Lake. I really expected nothing to happen, as I’ve dealt with this bitchy Asian-princess attitude before and usually they hold grudges that span a few lifetimes.

To my surprise, HBShanghai sent me this long apologetic e-mail, saying how she thought she’d never see me again, and how happy she was that I contacted her. We met up that night, walked around Green Lake, then went to get some Thai food. She really opened up on this date, basically saying to me she liked me but was looking for a serious boyfriend. I was honest with her and told her I wasn’t really looking for a committed relationship right now. It was a really great conversation and I was impressed by how up-front she was. We basically just agreed to be friends, and I pretty much figured that was that.

HBShanghai began to call and IM me regularly, but about mid-June I hooked up with another girl and didn’t really have time to see her. The mid-June LTR dumped me last week (same day I got fired from my suck-ass job, more on that whole ordeal in a future post), so my schedule was quite open. By this time, though, I’d pretty much categorized HBShanghai as a friend, especially because my LTR was also a 7, and though I love HB7s, I really need to push myself and get higher-quality girls. Still, I hadn’t seen her for a while and wanted to catch up with her, and invited her over for an old-fashioned Labor Day weekend BBQ.

We ate, we talked, we went to my living room, sat on my couch, talked about going to Victoria, etc. I couldn’t help but kino her (it’s becoming instinctual now), and she kino’d me back, legs touching, etc. I started to realize it was really on this time. At some point I just kissed her, and she didn’t respond at first but eventually got into it. I’m the first American guy she’s ever been with…and I think this made her very cautious. I took that into account and really proceeded in a low gear. I did encounter LMR, but like this whole sarge from the moment I met her in the airport, I was very patient, and turns out it worked so well she was asking for it the next morning. :)

This !-close is somewhat of a milestone for me. It’s my 9th lay since starting to learn game back in 2005 (3 have come from cold approach, 5 from online dating, and 1 from social circle). In my pre-game dating life, basically from age 18 to 34, I had a total of 9 lays, and so I’ve pretty much doubled that in a matter of 2 years. I know compared to some guys that’s nothing, but for me it’s progress and an indication I’m moving in the right direction, even if there are speedbumps along the way.

Introducing...Mack, the PUA, and his BLOG

Welcome to my PU blog. Here I'll be describing my adventures (more likely misadventures at first) in pickup. I am not, however, a 'newbie'. The fact is I've been in the game for about 2.5 years now, quite a long time given that some guys have only taken a year or less to make rapid progress, whereas I'm still struggling in many ways. This shit ain't easy, and being a "responsible" adult, other things tend to interfere and have knocked me off track (more on that later, especially the "responsible adult" concept, which I am currently attempting to shed, at least for a few years).

'Why?!', you ask, at age 38 , am I still doing this? Why don't I just find a nice 29yo girl, marry her, fuck her, have kids, move to Bellevue and work for Microsoft? These are good questions. This certainly would be the path of least resistance. I was well down that path a few years ago, and I was not happy. Not that these are bad things (well, not sure about working for Microsoft), and one day I think I'd like to commit to one girl long-term and have little Mackie's running around. But, if I sacrifice my dreams and lifelong ambitions for this ‘security net', I will not be happy, my girl will not be happy and I will be doing us both a disservice. I've somewhat avoided the question posed above, however. I've described why I don’t desire the lifestyle of most of my 30-something American male brethen, but I haven't addressed *why* I'm doing pickup.

There are several reasons. First and foremost, and this needs absolutely no defense and should alone be reason enough...I love women, and I wanna sleep with many many of them in the coming years. And not the kind of women I've had in the past, but HB9 and HB10s, late, mid, or early 20s.

When I entered the game in 2005, I was not unexperienced with women. I'd say I was average...by age 34 I had 9 sexual partners (including a 7 year LTR/engagement with one girl from age 26 to 34). But I definitely was hitting a glass ceiling in terms of the quality of women I could get (both looks and personality). Also, getting a girlfriend was a big deal back then. Between the "high-flow" times of having a girlfriend, there were extended "ebbs" where I was desperate and felt powerless to do anything about it. I've more or less fixed this issue, thanks to experience in the community to date. But I want to take it even further.

A second reason, or I should say a second high-level goal I have in learning the Venusian Arts, is I want to change my personality. To many, saying this elicits objections along the lines of "No! No! Just be yourself!", or “It’s OK to be introverted and shy”. I find it hard to argue with these folks, because what they say is true, but it is not the whole truth. Although I have a solid inner confidence and by any standard am leading a happy, comfortable life, there are things I want to achieve, even outside of pickup, that just are not possible for a soft-spoken introverted dude like I have been most of my life. I want to experience and do things that are only possible if I leave my comfort zone behind.

Finally, from the 10,000-foot level, I believe that learning pickup can be a character building journey. I’m surprised how little the reputable schools (eg, Mystery Method and Charisma Arts) talk about “character”, when in fact that is a huge part of growing as a pick-up artist. A strong character is one of the most attractive qualities a person can have, male or female. It doesn’t only attract members of the opposite sex, but draws potential friends into your circle, makes an impression on a job interviewer, and so forth. Mastering a martial art or a musical instrument are other examples of character-building pursuits. Of course, it is possible to get off track and find your way down a dead-end, as I have seen happen to more than a few guys in the local PU community. To stay on the right track requires that you are honest with yourself, willing to fail and learn from it, and are open to constructive criticism from your peers (emphasis on ‘constructive’).

So, welcome to my blog. I promise to keep the references to cheezy 80s songs and bad puns to a minimum.