FR: Unintentional negging?

Nothing of groundbreaking import happened over the weekend. Was out on Saturday night with wings Spin and Hammerhead, and the venue was actually quite good. I opened about 10 sets total, but didn't plow very far except for a few. I'm expecting a major breakthrough coming...I can feel it, but I know it's going to require a final push to get me to the next level.

One set is worth mentioning...a seated 4 set (all girls) I opened immediately after walking in. The opener was neutral, I don't think it went very well, but not badly either. Then I turned to one of the 2 cute girls (by cute I mean HB6, maybe 7 but that's a stretch) and used a variation of the "eyebrows routine." I believe it went something like this:

You know, you have a very expressive face.
Really?
Yeah, have you ever done any acting?
No.
Hmm...let's see, can you move your eyebrows independently? Try it..
No.

At that point one of the ugs chimed in with something. The set wasn't going well, so I ejected. I was still in warm-up phase and there were better sets in the bar.

Skip ahead 2 hours. By this time Gee had joined us. We were about to take off, but I went over to the 4-set to say goodbye. They were right next to our table and I just wanted to gauge them a bit more. They were quite bitchy and stand-offish, so I dismissed it and headed back. After we left, Gee lingered and asked the 4-set why they disliked me so much. Apparently, all 4 started bitching that I insulted their friend by saying something about her eyebrows. :) Huh...interesting.

I love this kind of feedback. I think what happened is that I went into the set thinking I'd have to raise my value for them, and so was pretty cocky with my vibe. From their perspective, they saw this high-value guy come in, and then proceed to insult their friend, albeit in a subtle way. These are the kind of situations that require calibration, and as I have only been sarging sporadically of late, I'm not surprised there was a misunderstanding. Don't get me wrong, it's also rather hysterical, but I can learn from it too.

A takeaway for me is that alot of girls are *very* self-conscious about anything having to do with their appearance. It doesn't take much to neg...apparently asking a girl if she can move her eyebrows independently can be construed as a subtle neg. If I had said this to a HB9 it probably would have generated a good deal of attraction, but your HB6 may not have the self-esteem to deal with it.

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On a different note...baseball season is just around the corner. One of my favorite players, despite being a Yankee, is Derek Jeter, who was interviewed in Men's Health magazine this month. He had a quote that for some reason really struck a chord with me:

"I remember going from rookie ball to A, to double A, then to triple A. At every level it seemed like the game was faster. The bigger the situation, the more the game speeds up. That's all mental. It messes people up. You think, 'I've got to do this, I've got to do that,' when in reality, all you have to do is the same thing you've always been doing. Slow it down. Realize you've been in this situation before. You've been successful in this situation before. Be calm. The more you can do that, the more pressure you take off yourself and the easier it is to perform."

What struck me is that the same concept can be applied to gaming chicks. Approaching a HB6 in a mellow bar is the equivalent of rookie ball. Then as you up the ante, and eventually start approaching HB9s in clubs and more intimidating venues, it's as though you're a step away from major league ball, if not there. And at that level, there is so much more shit going on. I think Mystery described the shit tests that happen during a sarge with a HB10 like a game of speed-chess with a grandmaster. I like Jeter's advice...stay calm, slow it down, and do the same thing you've always been doing.

Article:
http://www.menshealth.com/cda/article.do?site=MensHealth&channel=fitness&category=sports&conitem=c295eb53bd0a8110VgnVCM20000012281eac____

SV

LR – Airport Sarge, “One thing leads to another…”

This is a girl I first sarged back in April! I was flying back from the Bay Area, fresh out of my Charisma Arts Bootcamp with Social Hitchhiker, and while sitting at the gate I noticed this Asian girl with long curly black hair, an assortment of necklaces, and designer jeans with sparkly stuff all over the back. Let’s call her HBShanghai…I’d rate her HB7, though her C-cup is a nice change from most of the Asians I’ve dated. :) Plus she was mid-20s, another nice change from my recent string of cougars (this coin has two sides though, more on that in a future post…). I had just blown a great chance to open a HB9 in the bookstore moments before, and promised myself I’d not let that happen again. After she sat down, I walked past her, made some comment about her necklace, grew the conversation and sat down next to her to continue.

I was mostly focusing on asking open ended questions (OEQ) to get her to commit to the interaction, pretty much standard Juggler Method fare. She was from Shanghai, in US for a couple years getting a graduate degree at UW. Smart, cute, and fashionable…a combination that I find hard to resist. We talked for a good hour, as our flight was delayed. I did some minor kino but outside of a bar or nightclub setting I have a lot of trouble really escalating in this regard. Plus, I was adjusting a bit for the fact that she was foreign -- though she’d been here 2 years, she still had a FOB-ish (Fresh-Off-Boat) aura to her…she just seemed rather naïve and innocent, and I didn’t want to scare her off.

We boarded, the plane was full and we were seated far from each other. I realized I should have #-closed her earlier. Darn. I knew my last chance would be at baggage claim. I met her there, chatted a bit more, setup some lame day-2 (Green Lake?), and got her contact information.

Over the next few weeks, I took HBShanghai on a couple ‘dates’ and I attempted a few kiss-closes, but nothing really came of it. The third ‘date’, I was about 30 minutes late getting to her place, and when I arrived she was quite bitchy and irritated. I waited 10 minutes for her, after which she finally said “I don’t think I’m going.” WTF? I only said “Fine, see you later then” and left. A few weeks went by went without any contact, and one sunny Thursday after work, for some reason (um, I was feeling horny most likely) I left her a voice-mail asking if she wanted to hit Green Lake. I really expected nothing to happen, as I’ve dealt with this bitchy Asian-princess attitude before and usually they hold grudges that span a few lifetimes.

To my surprise, HBShanghai sent me this long apologetic e-mail, saying how she thought she’d never see me again, and how happy she was that I contacted her. We met up that night, walked around Green Lake, then went to get some Thai food. She really opened up on this date, basically saying to me she liked me but was looking for a serious boyfriend. I was honest with her and told her I wasn’t really looking for a committed relationship right now. It was a really great conversation and I was impressed by how up-front she was. We basically just agreed to be friends, and I pretty much figured that was that.

HBShanghai began to call and IM me regularly, but about mid-June I hooked up with another girl and didn’t really have time to see her. The mid-June LTR dumped me last week (same day I got fired from my suck-ass job, more on that whole ordeal in a future post), so my schedule was quite open. By this time, though, I’d pretty much categorized HBShanghai as a friend, especially because my LTR was also a 7, and though I love HB7s, I really need to push myself and get higher-quality girls. Still, I hadn’t seen her for a while and wanted to catch up with her, and invited her over for an old-fashioned Labor Day weekend BBQ.

We ate, we talked, we went to my living room, sat on my couch, talked about going to Victoria, etc. I couldn’t help but kino her (it’s becoming instinctual now), and she kino’d me back, legs touching, etc. I started to realize it was really on this time. At some point I just kissed her, and she didn’t respond at first but eventually got into it. I’m the first American guy she’s ever been with…and I think this made her very cautious. I took that into account and really proceeded in a low gear. I did encounter LMR, but like this whole sarge from the moment I met her in the airport, I was very patient, and turns out it worked so well she was asking for it the next morning. :)

This !-close is somewhat of a milestone for me. It’s my 9th lay since starting to learn game back in 2005 (3 have come from cold approach, 5 from online dating, and 1 from social circle). In my pre-game dating life, basically from age 18 to 34, I had a total of 9 lays, and so I’ve pretty much doubled that in a matter of 2 years. I know compared to some guys that’s nothing, but for me it’s progress and an indication I’m moving in the right direction, even if there are speedbumps along the way.

Introducing...Mack, the PUA, and his BLOG

Welcome to my PU blog. Here I'll be describing my adventures (more likely misadventures at first) in pickup. I am not, however, a 'newbie'. The fact is I've been in the game for about 2.5 years now, quite a long time given that some guys have only taken a year or less to make rapid progress, whereas I'm still struggling in many ways. This shit ain't easy, and being a "responsible" adult, other things tend to interfere and have knocked me off track (more on that later, especially the "responsible adult" concept, which I am currently attempting to shed, at least for a few years).

'Why?!', you ask, at age 38 , am I still doing this? Why don't I just find a nice 29yo girl, marry her, fuck her, have kids, move to Bellevue and work for Microsoft? These are good questions. This certainly would be the path of least resistance. I was well down that path a few years ago, and I was not happy. Not that these are bad things (well, not sure about working for Microsoft), and one day I think I'd like to commit to one girl long-term and have little Mackie's running around. But, if I sacrifice my dreams and lifelong ambitions for this ‘security net', I will not be happy, my girl will not be happy and I will be doing us both a disservice. I've somewhat avoided the question posed above, however. I've described why I don’t desire the lifestyle of most of my 30-something American male brethen, but I haven't addressed *why* I'm doing pickup.

There are several reasons. First and foremost, and this needs absolutely no defense and should alone be reason enough...I love women, and I wanna sleep with many many of them in the coming years. And not the kind of women I've had in the past, but HB9 and HB10s, late, mid, or early 20s.

When I entered the game in 2005, I was not unexperienced with women. I'd say I was average...by age 34 I had 9 sexual partners (including a 7 year LTR/engagement with one girl from age 26 to 34). But I definitely was hitting a glass ceiling in terms of the quality of women I could get (both looks and personality). Also, getting a girlfriend was a big deal back then. Between the "high-flow" times of having a girlfriend, there were extended "ebbs" where I was desperate and felt powerless to do anything about it. I've more or less fixed this issue, thanks to experience in the community to date. But I want to take it even further.

A second reason, or I should say a second high-level goal I have in learning the Venusian Arts, is I want to change my personality. To many, saying this elicits objections along the lines of "No! No! Just be yourself!", or “It’s OK to be introverted and shy”. I find it hard to argue with these folks, because what they say is true, but it is not the whole truth. Although I have a solid inner confidence and by any standard am leading a happy, comfortable life, there are things I want to achieve, even outside of pickup, that just are not possible for a soft-spoken introverted dude like I have been most of my life. I want to experience and do things that are only possible if I leave my comfort zone behind.

Finally, from the 10,000-foot level, I believe that learning pickup can be a character building journey. I’m surprised how little the reputable schools (eg, Mystery Method and Charisma Arts) talk about “character”, when in fact that is a huge part of growing as a pick-up artist. A strong character is one of the most attractive qualities a person can have, male or female. It doesn’t only attract members of the opposite sex, but draws potential friends into your circle, makes an impression on a job interviewer, and so forth. Mastering a martial art or a musical instrument are other examples of character-building pursuits. Of course, it is possible to get off track and find your way down a dead-end, as I have seen happen to more than a few guys in the local PU community. To stay on the right track requires that you are honest with yourself, willing to fail and learn from it, and are open to constructive criticism from your peers (emphasis on ‘constructive’).

So, welcome to my blog. I promise to keep the references to cheezy 80s songs and bad puns to a minimum.