Let’s face it, humans are complicated. There is no way we can ever summarize what attracts one person to another in a few sentences. Mystery did a damn good job outlining fundamentals with his concept “attraction switches”. It’s a useful guideline, but won’t explain every possible scnenario.
That said, there is something to the notion that hot women are generally attracted to “bad boys”. Yes, a HB9 may eventually marry a successful doctor, the “nice guy” who has studied and worked hard all his life…but only when she’s 33 and past her prime. Before that, she’s probably been having crazy wild sex with guys who ride motorcycles, bartenders, and the tall barista working at the local Starbucks who lives paycheck to paycheck and just got back from 3 months backpacking in Brazil. An extreme caricature of an example, yes. But this scenario plays itself out in many ways in our society. Don’t deny it, it’s true that nice guys finish last.
But is it really the “nice guy” vs. the “bad boy”, or is it something deeper? Our society tends to see what’s on the surface and stop the analysis there. But let’s look deeper: if I’m a “nice guy”, I can go buy a motorcycle tomorrow, but I’ll still be a nice guy. Worse, I’ll be a poser. I can try to imitate another lifestyle, but chances are I will fail, or others will see through it, or both. The “bad boy” has something the “nice guy” generally lacks: a strong character. It might be a character disagreeable in nature, but the point is it’s strong and stable.
Time to define my terms. I can not put it as eloquently as Johnny Knuckles, so I’ll just go ahead and quote him:
“Character traits include honesty, trust, respect, responsibility, leadership, loyalty and courage. One's character can be objectively judged. Character is defined as right or wrong. Character, despite its detractors, can be taught. However educators are bypassing the difficulty of teaching character and have gone directly to self-esteem, the reward of strong character. But without character, self-esteem is a hollow concept.”(from his “Personality vs. Character” post HERE).
The fact is, you don’t have to be a “bad boy” or asshole to lay hot women. You can find guys in every part of society and every career field who are killers with the ladies. Your average Joe software engineer doesn’t paint as interesting a portrait as the tattooed, Harley-riding dude doing shots at the bar -- but what if he is ambitious, successful, honest, respectful, and most important does not put up with anyone’s crap and speaks his mind? What if he plays guitar in a band outside of work, is well traveled and speaks 3 languages? What if he mesmerizes you every time he tells a story, and remembers the names of every person he meets at a party? Sounds like a guy you would like to know? Hell yeah! Why? Because he has character! And on top of that character he has some admirable personality traits. He probably will be quite attractive to women, provided that he can communicate his character effectively. He is nice, but he wouldn’t be described as a “nice guy”. He does not supplicate. He does not change his tastes at the whim of society’s latest fad. He knows what he wants and he strives to get it, and doesn’t care too much what others think.
Take Tucker Max. Asshole extraordanaire. He’s milking the art of being a dickhead to the extent that he can earn a profitable living from it. (And more power to him for it! In fact I just bought his book from Amazon.) He’s the latest “badboy” phenom to hit the publishing/internet/blogosphere trioca. Massive success with women (at least by lowest common denominator standards). The thing is, that’s who he is. He was a jerk in college, probably was long before. He didn’t manufacture his lifestyle, he lived it. I wouldn’t hold him out as a model for our nation’s youth, but I won’t deny that he has character, a strong one, and for that I respect him. And I’m sure that’s a major reason so many consider his writing to be a breath of fresh air in our society full of masked persona and wannabes.
Tucker Max certainly isn’t the first “bad boy” to publicize his adventures, and won’t be the last. But nowadays it seems because of the prevalence of blogs, online forums, and the exposure of the “pickup community” to mainstream America, Mr. Max’s exploits have inspired a small following: guys who imitate him because they think this will make them cool and popular, as he appears to be. The problem is, many of these guys lack character, and they see modeling this kind of behavior as a way to fill this void.
Lack of character seems to be an epidemic in our society, which might explain why so many guys have trouble approaching and meeting women. I won’t go into reasons behind this (books have been written on this subject), but the fact is many an American male has an issue with women, and it should be no surprise that Mystery, Juggler, Pickup 101, and the dozens of other seduction schools have become successful addressing this problem (at least successful in monetary terms).
I’m not opposed to “pickup schools” or “bootcamps”, at least in theory. Most are trying to help guys with real issues. Some do a better job than others, so buyer beware. But a number of guys do come out of these with their eyes opened to a new reality and new potential for personal growth. This is a good thing.
Why do pickup “missions” or “bootcamps” help some guys? Because, if a student applies himself and pushes the envelope of his comfort zone, they are character building experiences. The ones who are most successful are those willing to check their “self-esteem” at the door. Because you can’t have true self-esteem and confidence until you have character. A man with a strong sense of character will also have a strong “frame”. If you are running Mystery Method-type material, it really doesn’t matter so much what you are saying…70% or more of the communication is non-verbal, and a major part of this is your ability to maintain your frame, bring the girl into your reality and not get sucked into hers. If you are running “Jealous Girlfriend” on a HB10 in a 3-set, maintaining your frame while she is shit-testing you left and right will be a stronger DHV than any verbal “DHV spike” you can throw into your stack.
In my opinion, Tucker Max and even Mystery are cultural fads that will disappear in a few years. Not to take anything away from them, because I actually believe both guys have character, and it is because of this, not because of their exploits, that they have achieved some degree of fame and fortune. In contrast, guys lacking in character who are currently worshiping Tucker Max will then switch to the new fad once he goes out of fashion. These are the same guys who 12 months ago were running Mystery’s “Newbie Mission”, but who now diss it as fodder for “routine monkeys”. If next year’s fad is being the “nice, responsible guy” who marries and settles down, you will find them living in Issaquah with their pregnant, 33yo trophy wife, and commuting each day to Redmond in their new Audi.
A man who has character can succeed in a multitude of ways, and is driven by forces within him, not those of society such as fads. If you want a prime example of what I’m talking about, go read The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand.
Another insight from Mr. Knuckles, on “personality” as opposed to “character”:
“Personality is subjective. It includes your sense of humor (or lack of), whether you're outgoing or shy, friendly or stoic, your interests, passions, and the list goes on. While some people have well-developed personalities, their character sucks and you eventually avoid them even though ‘they're a lot of fun.’”(“…their character sucks and you eventually avoid them even though ‘they’re a lot of fun’”…sounds like someone I know).
So, for you brothers out in the field (or more likely, KJ-ing on your blog) working hard at pissing people off just for the sake of pissing people off, imitating the personalities of the “asshole celebrity” of the moment, good luck with that. You may entertain a few groups with your horseplay and maybe even AMOG some guys who don’t have the mastery of “material” you possess. But when you encounter a man of character, he will open up a can of “whoop-ass” on you…and yes, it will be industrial size. And the real beauty is, it will be like verbal jujitsu, as though he’s not even trying.
For you brothers who are more open-minded, get out there and sarge. Use Mystery’s material, use Juggler, use your own method. Just remember that these are tools whose purpose is to change you, to help you build the foundation of a strong character on which all else will rest. They are not primarily intended as a way to get the girl. It’s ok to “fake it ‘til you make it”, but the end goal is to make it so you no longer have to fake it. Making it means building character, one that is unique to who you are. Do that, and everything else will fall into place.
Peace and Love,
Mack
ps--they do serve beer in hell, but I hope you like PBR.
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