DHVs vs. Seeking Approval

After ‘negs’, the DHV is probably the most misunderstood concept in the pickup community. The acronym stands for “Demonstration of Higher Value”, and many guys think this means talking about your high salary, the BMW you drive, or other such things that make you such a wonderful and swell dude. In fact, bringing these up in an obvious manner will actually act as a DLV (Demonstration of Lower Value).

The best description I’ve heard of what a DHV truly is was given by Lovedrop at a 1-day bootcamp he gave in Portland back in 2005. First he noted how a confident man, such as Brad Pitt to take an extreme example, would not feel the need to qualify by talking about his accomplishments and possessions. If I had a million dollars and mentioned it to her directly, she were to perceive that I was trying to tell her about my wealth, my value would drop. I would bascially be qualifying to her -- in other words, seeking her approval. On the other hand, if I had a million dollars and she found out via my friends or better yet by googling me, this would be a major DHV.

Lovedrop listed the following as true DHVs :

• “Demonstrating the ability to handle myself socially, to win over her group and others nearby.”
  
• “Demonstrating a strong frame through proper application of Hoop Theory during the set. Girls are constantly testing for a strong frame.”
  
• “Qualify her: once I have demonstrated higher value (and she is attracted to me), make her work for me and thus appreciate the process of ‘winning me over’”.
  

One experience in my life that has given me value is living abroad for a couple years in Japan. I basically taught myself Japanese while I was there. Now, I could bring this up in set in two possible ways:

“After college, I lived in Japan for a couple years. It was so cool, I was put up at a 5-star hotel in the middle of Tokyo for a week-long orientation, and every night we had dinner banquets with free sushi and sake. I even got to meet the governor of the prefecture I’d be working in. After two years in Japan, I was pretty fluent in the language, without ever having taken a single course. Blah blah blah”.

--- vs. ---

“So, back when I was living in Japan, I almost got killed by the yakuza!. One night a few friends and I headed to a disco. Craig, this tall blond guy from the Midwest, had a bit too much sake and ended up dancing on a table. He fell off, knocked over a drink which spilled onto this dude wearing sunglasses and a pastel suit. He stood up, snapped his fingers, and out of nowhere this army of well-dressed, tattooed guys – all about 5’6”, showed up and started yelling at us. It felt like a scene out of Kill Bill. I thought were gonna get the shit kicked out of us until the bouncer suggested we buy them a round of drinks, then all was cool.”

Maybe not the best examples but they are from my own life. In the first, it’s pretty apparent that I am trying to impress her, which will actually lower my value. In the 2nd, although I do mention I lived in Japan which is an slightly explicit attempt to impress, it is built-in as a setup to the story. The story itself is not really about me, but an amusing, **emotional** experience I had while living in Japan. I could probably improve on this story by peppering it with words that add more color and elicit a stronger emotional response.

So, to summarize, don't write-off DHVs as a community “gimmick”. It’s a useful concept which can help you understand social dynamics and improve your interactions with men and women both.